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Transformers: A Review

nerdflick.jpgA friend whose taste in movies runs from dubious to all out awful asked me if I would like to see Transformers tonight. "I have a day off tomorrow," I thought, "so, why not?"

I cannot recommend this film, for reasons I will outline shortly. I don't feel all that qualified to comment on the film itself which featured CGI metal things (pictured above) grunting  incomprehensibly  at each other. Sometimes hurtling themselves at each other. There was some sort of "cube" at the center of the story. And Shia LaBeouf - whose name cannot be spelled. I contented myself with watching the collection of eyes, lips, taut skin and "hotness" pictured below.

I cannot recommend this film because I cannot recommend exposing yourself to its enthusiasts. At today's 8:00 pm screening in theater 1 at the Ballston Mall in Arlington, I sat about 8 rows from the screen. In my row was a twenty-something blonde dweeblet. I've met five-year old boys at theme parks overdosing on pixie sticks and Mountain Dew who had more self-awareness than this guy. Literally for a full hour of the film he squealed or grunted with ecstatic delight at every.line.of.dialogue. And he was loud. Sometimes he anticipated lines and said shouted them with his teeth clenched and his fists pumping. Both fists.

His friends seemed to be excited to see the movie for the first few minutes as well - but gradually began to sink into their chairs. What a downward spiral this chap faces: he needs a girlfriend to instruct him not to act like a bright shiny nerd-nugget but his behavior prevents him from ever landing a girlfriend capable of shame. I hesitate to imagine the state of his Jim-Lee era X-men comic book collection. I wanted to reach out to this misguided young man but I'm pretty sure the authorities would not have been able to pry my hands off his throat until after he died.

Don't see Transformers in public. Promised cheesecake if you click below.

meganfox.jpg 

Posted on 7/3/2007 11:36 PM by Registered CommenterMichael Brendan Dougherty in | Comments4 Comments
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Reader Comments (4)

I understand wanting to avoid the crazed fans, but you couldn't get me to see this thing anyway. Even though I was a Transformers-watching kid in the mid-'80s, I feel no strong pull to go see this movie. The battle of the century is apparently over a pair of glasses? No thanks.

7/6/2007 06:58 PM | Unregistered CommenterDaniel Larison
Honestly, what's a cheesecake? Is it like a chubby? Or is cheesecake what makes you chubby?
7/7/2007 11:21 AM | Unregistered CommenterJS
Quite sorry you had the "blonde dweeblet" to deal with in your showing; that kind of distraction would ruin any flick. You're right about the CGI incomprehensible transformers, and I most definitely agree with you on Megan Fox. She is amazingly hot.

I also wouldn't recommend Transformers; except maybe to the chance Transformers fanatic (like the one you were seated by).
7/15/2007 10:34 PM | Unregistered CommenterPM Whitfield
The Transformers? You had to know what you were walking into, really I had more faith in your intelligence than this. Kudos, though for being a good friend and going to see this drivel with the fist pumper.

BTW LOVE the art on this site!
8/16/2007 05:47 PM | Unregistered CommenterNew Diva on the Blog

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