Looks like thisThis Saturday I went to three parties and I got lost going to all three of them. I still can't find my pipe  - which I last remember seeing in my jacket pocket. Several young ladies in DC were grabbing at it throughout the night. When I wasn't drinking somewhere between one half and two thirds of the bottle of gin at this third party I took it upon myself to spread rumors to the effect that I wanted to be employed at a certain magazine so that I can get into a brutal fistfight in the office with one of its employees. (This is actually almost true. If this particular pundit could see himself on television, he'd want to punch himself in the face. I'm certain he'd forgive me if I did it for him.) I implied falsely to one of the hosts of the party that I thought he might have cocaine. He was non-plussed. I also explained to two people that a great part of what I do on my blog and at these parties is deliberately misleading. I'm only pretending to be a hard-drinker, because it adds character. The gin was spilling out over my left hand as I said this.

At one point I pretended for a few seconds to be trying to sleep under the table. It is amazing how many people I have seen do this - and think it is funny. It is not.  A redhead remonstrated with my roommate and I that I not drive myself home. I said to her,

"It was a joke. A joke."

She said "I know its a joke, but not one you would have made sober." (A cutting reply)

"Well, then you underestimate my capacity for humor." (An oblivious put-down)

I gave a ten minute discourse to someone on the difference between liberal universalist ethics and Christian morality as they relate to our politics. The one person audience said, "I know you are drunk, but this is rather brilliant."  Later, this same person uttered the strange words. "When you were drunk, you promised to give me a ride home." Of course by this point it was nearly five in the morning and I had been sipping on delicious tap water since the gin ran out some hours earlier.

On the way home I thought it was funny how the partisans of tradition party it up. Our bodies hot, and our insults cold. Not a thing about it was lukewarm. And nobody that I witnessed was vomiting.