Don't be the Guy, Be the Guy
Do you measure up?Don't be the Guy Who:
- has non-traditional facial hair
- has Maxim on the coffee table
- buys only fancy brand name suits off the rack
- doesn't buy a round
- compares something to HItler or the Nazis
- would never get in a fistfight
- talks the most on a double date
- is shy about getting his picture taken
- "always tells it like it is" (that guy is a pompous ass)
- roots too hard for his team in the other team's ballpark
- eschews contemporary fiction
- flirts with his girlfriend's/wife's friends because "they know you aren't serious about it"
- is anxious to show his collection of anything
- just sticks a check in a card
- drinks Red Bull, ever.
- calls into radio stations
- relies on crude humor
- wears sneakers more often than shoes
- wears his atheism on his sleeve (applies to atheists only)
- chews gum
- knows everything about pop culture
- prides himself on the obscurity of the bands he likes (particularly after age 22)
Be the Guy Who:
- pays for good shoes
- has a light
- leaves the most lasting impression by not hogging the limelight
- doesn't choose Bud Light - but doesn't turn it down either
- goes to a tailor and a thrift store for clothes
- reads at least two biographies each year
- thinks about his future
- can discuss politics with deference and passion
- smokes tobacco but not cigarettes
- respects older men
- blogs but doesn't talk about it at the table
- can explain the off-sides rule in any major sport so that others can understand it
- takes down a big pot with a bluff
- throws the last punch
- writes letters
- drinks gin or whiskey
- knows a little about classical music or jazz
- cheers heartily for the home team, even in the expensive seats
- gives a good bottle of wine to the hosts of any party
- knows what to make or where to go for dinner
Posted on 10/28/2005 06:55 AM
by
Michael Brendan Dougherty
in Lifestyle Friday
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7 Comments
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Michael Brendan Dougherty
in Lifestyle Friday
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Reader Comments (7)
Just read an eleven-year-old novel yesterday (Robert Harris' Fatherland). I'll admit I've become too big a snot to touch much "mainstream" contemporary fiction these days.
relies on crude humor
I actually don't have a sense of humor at all, which is even worse.
wears sneakers more often than shoes
Ha... where I live, at least six out of twelve months you roast to death if you wear anything more binding than thongs.
prides himself on the obscurity of the bands he likes (particularly after age 22)
Got me there. I love the fact that I hate most pop, rock, and rap--and go for World music.
has a light
What if you refuse to date a woman who smokes?
leaves the most lasting impression by not hogging the limelight
A-MEN. Everyone hates the life of the party.
Great list!
Don't be the Guy Who:
* doesn't buy a round
What if you do not imbibe or spend any time in bars? Should I hang out in the local pubs to buy drinks for strangers?
* would never get in a fistfight
I haven't slugged anyone since 1979. I have not been in a situation that would have merited it. Am I not living dangerously enough?
* is shy about getting his picture taken
Easy for you to say. The camera is kind to you.
* drinks Red Bull, ever.
What is Red Bull?
Be the Guy Who:
* pays for good shoes
Sorry, I have had wretched experience with expensive shoes. The last pair did not last three months. Payless for me.
* has a light
The women proximate to me do not smoke or carry their own lighters.
* doesn't choose Bud Light - but doesn't turn it down either
Again, what if you do not imbibe?
* reads at least two biographies each year
Wrong! Biographies are but an introduction to the study of history.
* thinks about his future
There are times in your life where the present needs your full attention.
* can discuss politics with deference and passion
Why passion? There is too much passion in political discussion.
* smokes tobacco but not cigarettes
She does not allow it.
* takes down a big pot with a bluff
??
* throws the last punch
Easier for you. You haven't hit middle age yet.
* drinks gin or whiskey
You're hell on abstainers.
* cheers heartily for the home team, even in the expensive seats
Wrong! Cheering is vulgar.
(Don't be the guy who) "always tells it like it is" (that guy is a pompous ass)
Didn't you just compose a list of what men should and should not be? Yay for hypocrisy. My comment, which is somewhat longer, to her can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/ccmfk if you so wish.
(Sorry for the tinyurl; couldn't get a href tag or URL tag to work for some reason.)
I got one. Don't be the guy who doesn't understand irony.
Andrew: Having met you in the flesh, I can vouch for you apart from this list. It was not meant to be comprehensive nor carry with it infallible authority which I leave to his Holiness.
Matthew: I prefer "hypocrite" to many other things you could have called me.