Surfeited with Dainties - Michael Brendan Dougherty

Kleinheider Pulls No Punches

Excellent post by A.C. Kleinheider on divorce over at Hard Right.

Good advice is given to the young mum but what jumped out at me were these passages:
Divorce — amicable and otherwise — stinks, and though I believe that most amicably divorced families work things out quite well, it’s hard, hard, hard. Unless there is clear abuse or neglect involved, children prefer for their parents to be together...
...This lady needs to work on the problem instead of blowing up her kids’ lives. It is her job to take care of them, first and foremost. Their trust of her is on the line.
Yes, the children's welfare should be first and foremost on the woman's mind. But, well, what if she didn't have kids? Then it's okay? The whole argument against divorce seems to rest on the kids. She has a responsibility to her children, of course, but also to her husband. She's not happy anymore? They've fallen out of love? They've grown apart?
Well, boo-hoo, join the frickin' unhappy human race. Marriage is a sacred vow, a promise. I'm gonna look out for you for life and you're gonna look out for me -- for life. That's the deal. So much of "relationship" talk seems to center on the woman's happiness and needs. Marriage is an institution, not a Happy Factory.
Some guy picked this women. She said yes. For better or for worse and all that. This doesn't absolve the husband's responsibility to serve his wife's needs the best he can but unless he is abusive or adulterous, kids or no kids, she needs to suck it up. "Fake it 'til you make it" goes for happiness in a marriage -- as well as the other thing.

A.C. lives up to his blog's name. Sometimes what is right is hard.

Posted on 11/11/2005 11:32 AM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

2 Comments |

Don't be the Guy, Be the Guy

Do you measure up?Don't be the Guy Who:

has non-traditional facial hair
has Maxim on the coffee table
buys only fancy brand name suits off the rack
doesn't buy a round
compares something to HItler or the Nazis
would never get in a fistfight
talks the most on a double date
is shy about getting his picture taken
"always tells it like it is" (that guy is a pompous ass)
roots too hard for his team in the other team's ballpark
eschews contemporary fiction
flirts with his girlfriend's/wife's friends because "they know you aren't serious about it"
is anxious to show his collection of anything
just sticks a check in a card
drinks Red Bull, ever.
calls into radio stations
relies on crude humor
wears sneakers more often than shoes
wears his atheism on his sleeve (applies to atheists only)
chews gum
knows everything about pop culture
prides himself on the obscurity of the bands he likes (particularly after age 22)

Be the Guy Who:

pays for good shoes
has a light
leaves the most lasting impression by not hogging the limelight
doesn't choose Bud Light - but doesn't turn it down either
goes to a tailor and a thrift store for clothes
reads at least two biographies each year
thinks about his future
can discuss politics with deference and passion
smokes tobacco but not cigarettes
respects older men
blogs but doesn't talk about it at the table
can explain the off-sides rule in any major sport so that others can understand it
takes down a big pot with a bluff
throws the last punch
writes letters
drinks gin or whiskey
knows a little about classical music or jazz
cheers heartily for the home team, even in the expensive seats
gives a good bottle of wine to the hosts of any party
knows what to make or where to go for dinner

Posted on 10/28/2005 06:55 AM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

7 Comments |

Sneakers with Suit- Mistake!Men's magazine's are generally awful.(Men's Vogue MAY become an exception) Esquire used to publish some of the best short fiction out there - but now its best contributor is Tucker Carlson.

But GQ has fallen furthest from it's prettified heights into Maxim idiocy. IN a recent issue - they published a pullout that had 25 tips. One of them is pictured here. Sneakers absolutely do not go with a suit. The only possible exception is a seersucker suit paired with pure white Jack Purcells.

But a rule that says "Buy a two button suit." - is useless. Buy a two button suit. Buy a three button suit. Buy a bespoke suit, buy a one button suit with an English cut. Buy a suit from Saville Road - or from a firm famous for shirt-making like Turnbull and Asser. Buy made to measure from Gucci for all I care. If you have the means- don't buy off the rack.

It is no wonder men dress like slobs - if their etiquette magazines (that is what men's magazines are - whether they accept their role with grace or not) have to start off with something like "Buy a two button suit." . It might as well say "Change your underwear everyday - maybe more than once if you are playing sports."

Posted on 9/30/2005 05:23 AM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

1 Comment |

1 Reference |

"Smart Casual"

To a fool like me, this is casual wear.

There is no such thing. I was in the last month to a party that in its essential elements was elegant and wonderful. The occasion was the engagement of two friends. The home of the groom to be was well appointed. The weather was most fortunate - warm but not sweltering. The hired wait staff executed their jobs with aplomb. Drinks and conversation - all that.

The invitation to this event specified that attire for this party was "Smart Casual". What is a young man aspiring to be a young gentleman wear to such an event? I dressed in a jacket and a shirt that could rightly be described as "smart" - with its spread collar and striped pattern. Even accounting for the slightly degraded view of what constitutes "Casual" I considered the event for which this party is being celebrated - betrothal and decided that Jeffery Tucker's¹ advice is right

Note that wearing a sports coat is not dressing up. A sports coat and trousers are casual wear. It is mostly what you should be wearing to light parties, most jobs, to the store. It is perfectly presentable for public consumption. But do not be deceived into thinking that you are "dressing up" when you wear them. A sports coat and trousers are the official uniform of a man who is just going about the business of life. When someone says, come casual!, this is what you wear.-Jeffery Tucker

My ladyfriend arrives to pick me up and tells me I must change. That in fact the groom to be will be wearing shorts. Since this party is with accountants the combination of being over-dressed with my propensity for discouse-like conversation whether on the antebellum south or on early 15th century mysticism would make me appear quite a bore. Apparently "smart casual" - a recently invented term - means "no jeans". I lay no blame on my hosts - they are merely following convention - something a conservative such as myself would praise. My mistake was in anachronistically following a tradition. I'm screwy like that. Latin Masses, wearing a suit to Mass - thinking casual means a jacket, thinking golf is "aspirational".

But if there are some out there who, like me, prefer dress codes² that have some definable content - they are casual, formal and black tie. Nothing "smart casual" or "fun formal" or worst of all "creative black tie".

_{1) I do not normally recommend reading libertarians.
2) I like dress coeds too. Fruedian typo duly corrected.}

Posted on 9/23/2005 01:30 PM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

9 Comments |

1 Reference |

Seersucker: Permission Granted

It's that time of year again.

After you honor our fallen troops, it is appropriate to honor style icons: Mark Twain, Col. Sanders, Harry Truman, Jay Gatsby, P. Diddy and Tom Wolfe.

I give you permission to wear seersucker until labor day.

I've recently obtained a seersucker coat on the cheap. And I've been in search of appropriate white bucks for some time now - much to the protestation of my ladyfriend. I ordered a pair from Zappos, but remain dissatisfied with them and will return them for another. I would really recommend the shoes pictured in this post - but they are expensive jobs from an outfit in Charleston, that sells English shoes (better than those tiny Italian jobs in my estimation).

There are other catches- despite the habits of Tom Wolfe and Mark Twain, one is not supposed to wear white shoes after five p.m. Gauche! So you ought to not wear your seersucker after that time either - (unless you are a cunning dash of a dandy, and then all rules are meant to be broken in the higher path of cunning dash dandyism - a way I intend to disciple myself for years after I obtain a suitable wage.) Also, the damned things get dirty- another reason you will ditch the suit by five - or like Tom Wolfe, change into another one. (Cunning dash.) Also, you are never to wear a white suit to church - unless it is a black Baptist Church and you are preaching. Catholic liturgy and white suits go together like nuns and disco. Not pleasant.

White suits are more difficult to pull off in days of studied slouchiness and the professional casual - but they are worth the attempt - at least they are at home or for a fancy brunch on a warm Saturday. I personally would recommend wool. Wool!?! you say. Yes, wool. If you can obtain a bespoke white suit, look for a Super 130+ count. The higher the number the lighter the fabric. A high count wool will be lighter and more durable than cotton. But if you get up to 180, you might as well go for linen - which I do not recommend for a suit jacket anyway.

Just Dandy: The Eternal Mystique of a White Suit
The Summer Stock Thread at Dandyism.net
The shoes pictured to the left of your screen. (if you see me wearing these you know I've "made it".
Haspel- Maker of affordable classic southern and Miami Vice looking white suits.

Posted on 6/3/2005 09:04 PM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

3 Comments |

Distressed in Getting Dressed

The founder of www.dandyism.net (an excellent resource on things dandy) has a great piece in the LA Times, Antique Chic.

Fred Astaire popped into his tailor's shop with his usual jaunty step. His new sport coat was ready, and as the tailor proudly draped it on Astaire's svelte physique, the style icon looked in the mirror and expressed his approval. Astaire then quietly removed the jacket, and—to the horror of its creator—rolled it up and threw it against the wall. "Now it's ready," he said, putting it back on and sauntering out the door.

More thoughts on fashion will be coming soon.

Posted on 4/8/2005 10:41 PM by

Michael Brendan Dougherty in Lifestyle Friday |

Entries in Lifestyle Friday (6)

Kleinheider Pulls No Punches

Don't be the Guy, Be the Guy

G.Q. Gets It Wrong Again

"Smart Casual"

Seersucker: Permission Granted

Distressed in Getting Dressed